The Mégane II Owners' Club

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth.

A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask: "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies: "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."

He struggles again to ask: "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says: "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies: "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?"

I have just received an email from the National Insomnia Society
Only 2 sleeps left until Christmas!!
Steve

Really no one has added a joke since November 2011
Steve

What's the difference between a roll top bath and a Megane II? You can relax in a roll top bath when it has water in it!

Did you mean the opposite? In Megane II the only thing one can do is to relax, whilst in a bath... Ah, forget it, not on Valentine's day, ironically.

cliopapa172 wrote:What's the difference between a roll top bath and a Megane II? You can relax in a roll top bath when it has water in it!

Burglar breaks into a house and hears a voice say, "Jesus is watching you." He turns to see a parrot in a cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."
Burglar asks, "Who are you?"
Parrot answers, "My name is Moses."
"Moses?" the burglar says, "who on Earth would name a parrot Moses?"
Parrot answers, "Same folks who named their rottweiler Jesus."

There has been some new evidence brought to light in the Oscar Pistorius trial today.
Turns out they where arguing about changing the bathroom door ,
he wanted to change it and she was dead against it.

There were gasps around the courtroom today as Oscar Pistorius was asked to read out the valentines card Reeva had written for him.....
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Please do not shoot
It's me on the loo

I went into my local butchers the other day and I noticed his apprentice wasn't behind the counter, so I asked the butcher where was the new lad, he looked at me with a face that only knew the feeling of disgust and told me " I sacked him"

This apprentice hadn't been working there long and I knew he was a hard worker so I asked the butcher what happened, " he was sticking his d*ck in the bacon slicer" I replied with a simple " what do you mean?"

Butcher said " he was sticking his d*ck in the bacon slicer"

I asked the butcher " what happened to the bacon slicer?"

He looked me dead in the eye with a blank look on his face and said "I had to sack her and all"

What's small, Brown and taps on windows?

A baby in a microwave!

No racism in that joke at all. Brown simply means (cooked)



A woman with no arms or legs is on a beach. A tall dark handsome man appears and bends down to start talking to her. After a little small talk, the guy says, Have you ever been kissed?
She replies no
So he plants his lips on hers and kisses her passionately.
Again they make small talk, he then asks her, have you ever been touched, ya know, there?
She replies no
So he puts his hand inside her costume and touches her up.
Wow she says.
Finally, again after some small talk, he says, have you ever been fked?
Ohhhhhh no she says shaking with excitement.......



He then picks her up and throws her in the sea. Your Fked now he says