*MOC Joke Thread*

A place for chat, jokes or anything that doesn't fit elsewhere.

Moderators: q292u, Ray, AndyAdmin, Stranger

User avatar
Ray
Site Admin
Posts: 3844
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2005 1:11 am
Currently Drives:: 2005 Megane Privilege - Now Sold
Location: Hong Kong
Contact:

Re: *MOC Joke Thread*

Postby Ray » Sat Nov 06, 2010 2:09 pm

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth.

A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask: "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies: "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."

He struggles again to ask: "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says: "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies: "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?"
Image

steve-t
Advanced Driver
Posts: 398
Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 4:15 pm
Currently Drives:: Mazda CX-3 Sport nav+ AWD
Location: Wallsend

Re: *MOC Joke Thread*

Postby steve-t » Sun Nov 20, 2011 11:28 am

I have just received an email from the National Insomnia Society
Only 2 sleeps left until Christmas!!
Steve

steve-t
Advanced Driver
Posts: 398
Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 4:15 pm
Currently Drives:: Mazda CX-3 Sport nav+ AWD
Location: Wallsend

Re: *MOC Joke Thread*

Postby steve-t » Tue Apr 09, 2013 8:18 pm

Really no one has added a joke since November 2011
Steve

cliopapa172
Passed Theory
Posts: 44
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2012 10:39 am
Currently Drives:: megane privilege

Joke time!

Postby cliopapa172 » Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:32 am

What's the difference between a roll top bath and a Megane II? You can relax in a roll top bath when it has water in it!

freelanderuk
Rally Driver
Posts: 1119
Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:08 pm
Currently Drives:: Megane convertible 1.9dci 2006

Re: Joke time!

Postby freelanderuk » Mon Feb 03, 2014 12:13 pm

:lol: :lol:
Drive it like you stole it

My flickr

AlexB
Driving Legend
Posts: 4306
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 8:17 pm
Currently Drives:: Renaultsport R.S.250 Cup

Re: Joke time!

Postby AlexB » Sat Feb 15, 2014 12:40 am

Did you mean the opposite? In Megane II the only thing one can do is to relax, whilst in a bath... Ah, forget it, not on Valentine's day, ironically.

cliopapa172 wrote:What's the difference between a roll top bath and a Megane II? You can relax in a roll top bath when it has water in it!
AlexB
(no, a different AlexB)

Olaf1
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:26 pm
Currently Drives:: Golf GTI

Re: *MOC Joke Thread*

Postby Olaf1 » Thu Apr 10, 2014 4:11 am

Burglar breaks into a house and hears a voice say, "Jesus is watching you." He turns to see a parrot in a cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."
Burglar asks, "Who are you?"
Parrot answers, "My name is Moses."
"Moses?" the burglar says, "who on Earth would name a parrot Moses?"
Parrot answers, "Same folks who named their rottweiler Jesus."
I'm not sure if National Tyres give the best deals or not, but feel free to check them out.

User avatar
meganejan2014
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Apr 07, 2014 8:34 pm
Currently Drives:: 2003 megane 1.9 dci dynamique

Re: *MOC Joke Thread*

Postby meganejan2014 » Mon Apr 14, 2014 6:19 pm

There has been some new evidence brought to light in the Oscar Pistorius trial today.
Turns out they where arguing about changing the bathroom door ,
he wanted to change it and she was dead against it.
2003 Megane Hatch 5dr 1.9 Dci Dynamique blue 86,000

steve-t
Advanced Driver
Posts: 398
Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 4:15 pm
Currently Drives:: Mazda CX-3 Sport nav+ AWD
Location: Wallsend

Re: *MOC Joke Thread*

Postby steve-t » Fri Apr 18, 2014 7:14 pm

There were gasps around the courtroom today as Oscar Pistorius was asked to read out the valentines card Reeva had written for him.....
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Please do not shoot
It's me on the loo

User avatar
Jldavies
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2015 11:36 am
Currently Drives:: 2004 1.6 megane 2its a shed

Re: *MOC Joke Thread*

Postby Jldavies » Fri Dec 04, 2015 12:10 am

I went into my local butchers the other day and I noticed his apprentice wasn't behind the counter, so I asked the butcher where was the new lad, he looked at me with a face that only knew the feeling of disgust and told me " I sacked him"

This apprentice hadn't been working there long and I knew he was a hard worker so I asked the butcher what happened, " he was sticking his d*ck in the bacon slicer" I replied with a simple " what do you mean?"

Butcher said " he was sticking his d*ck in the bacon slicer"

I asked the butcher " what happened to the bacon slicer?"

He looked me dead in the eye with a blank look on his face and said "I had to sack her and all"
Oh look a petrol station :D

User avatar
Stranger
Site Admin
Posts: 4134
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2005 7:57 pm
Currently Drives:: BMW X1
Location: Lancashire

Re: *MOC Joke Thread*

Postby Stranger » Sat Dec 05, 2015 6:36 pm

:lol:
STOP DEVELOPMENT ON GREEN FIELD SITES! http://www.cpre.org.uk/

Plaza
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed May 03, 2017 3:41 pm
Currently Drives:: MkII 1.9dCi Convertible NV08WKR

Re: *MOC Joke Thread*

Postby Plaza » Wed May 03, 2017 4:41 pm

What's small, Brown and taps on windows?

A baby in a microwave!

No racism in that joke at all. Brown simply means (cooked)



A woman with no arms or legs is on a beach. A tall dark handsome man appears and bends down to start talking to her. After a little small talk, the guy says, Have you ever been kissed?
She replies no
So he plants his lips on hers and kisses her passionately.
Again they make small talk, he then asks her, have you ever been touched, ya know, there?
She replies no
So he puts his hand inside her costume and touches her up.
Wow she says.
Finally, again after some small talk, he says, have you ever been fked?
Ohhhhhh no she says shaking with excitement.......



He then picks her up and throws her in the sea. Your Fked now he says :shock: :shock: :shock:
NV08 WKR


Return to “Everything Else”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests