Can't seem to win with cars...

[davelowe]

Okay, so here is the process involved in getting a new car (private sale).

1) Look on the internet for a car.
2) Go and view the car(s)
3) Agree a price
4) Perform various checks online for HPI, stolen, plates swapped etc.
5) Sell old car (shame - nice vehicle)
6) Borrow a car to go to the bank to get £££
7) Drive to vendors, exchange documents, money etc, enjoy. Happily ever after: simples.

Problems that can arise in steps 6 and 7:

1) Borrowed car (actually was mine from new many years ago - 99 plate Almera) needs a service.
2) Service car
3) Exhaust back box falls off. Neighbour (attractive and intelligent blonde) remarks that Almera sounds 'sporty' (WTF? It's a 1.4)
4) Pay £50 for a new back box. Chance meeting with a neighbour at service station (explain about exhaust - watch as eyes glaze over)
5) Vendor reports that dealership won't sort out paint on parking sensors (under warranty). Spend much time on phone. Use many expletives. Result.
6) As 5 but peeling paint on (one of the many shades of silver) paint on door handles. Result.
7) Set off in borrowed car only to find that clutch has seized on and cannot be dis-engaged.
Drive back home starting car in gear and changing gear by matching revs.
9) Find replacement clutch costs exceed value of car.
10) Buy clutch kit for £50 and start looking around for a second trolley jack to sort it.
11) To be continued.....

[Stranger]

Oh dear

[davelowe]

11) cont... Cunning plot devised! Contact exhaust/clutch place that did the back box. Ask if anyone wants a non runner to fix up. Result - maybe.
12) Old car to be sold for £250 (not bad really since its sills are corroded through - no chance of an MOT this side of £10,000. Good luck to chap at garage.
13) Find Rover (yes really) 999cc 2006 plate car on internet to replace knackered Almera. Done 10k miles. Old dude owner.
14) Borrow third car - Toyota D4D (relatives patience wearing thin at this point). Sweet drive out of interest...
15) Buy Rover for peanuts.
16) Now to tow the non running Almera to the garage.......
17) Phone megane vendor to confirm collection having borrowed a 4th car (don't ask). Result: garage have car in for window regulator, door stripped but wrong loom ordered. Would sir mind waiting another day? Would SIR F**KING MIND! ARSE.
18) To be continued...!